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Timeline of the Current Series of Misadventures

This is a quick summary of the optimistic adventures of the current Cago party, starting with the delusional Lord-Captain Geoffrey Spaulding, the filthy stableboy Reed Groom, and the quietly bored and actively murderous Ess ex-junior diplomat Nan, joined later by the massive damage sponge and world’s worst writer the morag Mugwump. More complete writeups are available in the Adventure Logs category.

  • Lord Geoffrey Spaulding escapes his terrible destiny of luxurious pampering, seeking a life of grand adventure armed with naught but his wits, his buckler, his expensive sword, three firearms, two servants, and an unimaginable amount of liquid wealth.
  • Nan the Ess diplomat’s apprentice joins him, bored to tears with diplomacy, preferring to talk to imaginary people.
  • Human stableboy Reed Groom opportunistically attaches himself to Spaulding when the latter comes into his workplace in search of particularly heroic horses.
  • The party follows morag explorer Erok Leafson on his grand journey through the Northern Trail… of taverns.
  • Young human Dupree Carpenter, after being knocked unconscious in the first of no doubt many tavern brawls, lets slip that he is a student of Torias March, master of the Dancing Edge style of broadsword fighting; Spaulding escorts Dupree to the town of Middenton, dragging the party with him.
  • Torias March demonstrates his sword skill to the recently-beset-by-thugs-in-a-remarkable-coincidence residents of Middenton. Torias easily defeats Thoss Groat, a huge morag. Lord Spaulding challenges him to mock combat, during which an unfortunate loss of structural integrity in the platform results in an ignominious pratfall and victory to Master March, who takes down payments from the locals for future training in his remarkable fighting style.
  • March and his company leave in the middle of the night with the villagers’ money, leaving only the confused and increasingly threatened Dupree behind. Some confusing conversations about mushrooms occur. Lord Spaulding enlists the aid of a village boy to track the ruffians to no avail.
  • Tookie passes Sam a note, and Sam passes it to Spaulding. It is apparently an invitation to Cyril’s Rest to welcome Lord Cyril’s son Andreas home after a grand adventure. Forgetting all about the con men, the party heads for Cyril’s Rest as Dupree makes good his escape back to the dependable drudgery of life as a carpenter’s apprentice.
  • In a little fishing village on the way, Reed realizes his “precious” sword is missing, along with some wine from the pack mule. Spaulding has it replaced with a cheap (but metallic) shortsword from a merchant’s stall. Nan cheats at cards.
  • The party continues their journey, but Torias March meets them and demands recompense for Lord Spaulding’s dismantling of his “honest business.” The party engages Torias’s men, kills many, and captures Thoss Groat and Torias along with several henchmen.
  • The party comes to Cyril’s Rest’s market village, where they deliver the con men to Bailiff Gilikan Plough, an enormous morag. The party takes refreshment and is escorted to Cyril’s Rest, where a confused Lord Cyril explains that the note was actually meant for Lord Batholemew Forska, but his name was somehow mysteriously ripped away. Andreas tells the party that the cromen are indeed on the cusp on invasion, better organized than they usually are. Andreas gets the party to accompany him back to Cago by way of a town called Frogg, as he is unable to secure a guard detail due to soldiers being moved north.
  • The party sets out with Andreas and Gilikan Plough and stops in Wooton, where they hire a couple of men at arms and the human scout Coz Runner. They cut through some wilderness to save time and arrive in Appleville to rest, then set out overland.
  • Coz returns from a scouting trip and tells the party that a fishing hamlet they were to stop in has been attacked, most of its inhabitants slaughtered. Upon investigation, they find an unlicensed percussion cap firearm, normally restricted to the nats of the inner Houses, and a blue hand that on later examination appeared dyed. They also find some refugees, one with another caplock, which Spaulding bought before the party helped them bury their dead and set them poling up the river on rafts. During the burial detail, Tookie finds a brooch with the mark of House Renssalear, a formerly powerful house rendered practically extinct a decade earlier.
  • The party continues on to Frogg. Coz disappears. The party is attacked by a cromen raiding party; they lose some of the men-at-arms, but defeat the cromen with some late assistance from the kharaz bounty hunter Yosef Blades and his companions.
  • The party arrives in Frogg and is greeted by mayor Caleb Carpenter, who is watching Gretchen Sterling, niece of Lord Jonn Sterling. The party is offered shelter in the house of Nancy Weaver. Gretchen lets slip that uncle Jonn is building a fort, in which she hopes to one day have lots of stuffed animals and high-caliber firearms to play with.
  • Nan ventures south and finds a large field being drained of its swamp by “Pappy” Ridge Farmer so the land can be reclaimed for agriculture. There is also another ess here, Falen the archaeologist, who gives her Quinoa and tells her about some ruins that may be exposed by the draining project. Nan insists that this is incredibly important.
  • Reed buys a disgusting smoked mudskipper and pretends to like it, resulting in bushels of the things being delivered to the Weaver house with his name on them. He also finds a composite bow that he goes deeply into debt to Nan in order to buy.
  • Spaulding and Andreas Jameson turn over the caplock weapons to master weaponsmith Aron Grunden for safekeeping. On request, Spaulding recovered a cloak from the battlefield from Aron and gave it to Falen. Falen told him that Olan Renssalear lost a hand, and Lord Sterling would want to know.
  • Andreas Jameson is taken to Cago under armed guard, but he leaves Spaulding with instructions to secure a shipment from Cyril’s Rest.
  • Spaulding buys everyone circus costumes so they can travel without attracting notice: Spaulding and Sam as minstrel and accompanist, Reed as stunt rider, Nan as glowering fortune teller, and Tookie as glowering miniature dancing bear.
  • Erok Leafson appears and sees the group in costume. He offers to draw them a map to get back to Cyril’s Rest for exactly the fee a travelling circus might be paid for a performance. Spaulding agrees to put on a show while the others beg him to just pay him. The party puts on a mediocre circus act, which is just fine for the depressed residents of Frogg, ending with Tookie the performing bear taking down Erok and torturing him with a joint lock.
  • The party receives a map with totally obvious directions on it, and they go get the shipment from Cyril’s Rest: four wagons of reddish-brown ore. On their way back, they are met by Jonn Sterling, his retainers Thorin (morag) and Madspear (kharaz), and a small group of men-at-arms. Everyone returns to Frogg.
  • In Frogg, Nan hears: Gretchen Sterling’s arranged marriage into House Forska has been scrapped; Jonn Sterling is regarded as a misfit at court, but is feared because he is rumored to have has a hand in the collapse of the Renssalears; Nancy Weaver ponders a potential arrangement between Gretchen Sterling and Andreas Jameson as a way to shore up both of their houses and build a bond between Frogg and Cyril’s Rest.
  • Reed encounters a rider bringing word that a detachment of cromen split off from the northern massing and is headed for the undermanned Cyril’s Rest.
  • The party first hears about an anti-cromen guerilla group called the Black Jagers who are harrying the cromen but cannot stop them.
  • The party heads north and catches up to Sterling’s party. Sterling asks the party to go and scout the situation while he gathers forces and persuades the powers that be to release Andreas.
  • The party arrives at an outskirt village of Cyril’s Rest, where they murder a bunch of Cromen and everyone gets horribly wounded. In the liberated village is Torias March, now missing a hand, pressed into service by the cromen as a slave supervisor. Torias manages to escape the angry villagers.
  • Reed finds a bunch of cromen heads on stakes and encounters a skinny youth in threadbare clothing and an improvised bandit mask with a stolen cromen bow. The boy claims to be one of the infamous Black Jagers as he wolfs down some offered rations. The boy has a note from a runner from Cyril’s Rest (presumably killed) stating they can only hold out for two weeks of siege if necessary. Reed gives the boy the noble task of escorting a group of refugees out of the village.
  • The party bolts for Cago to inform Sterling and Jameson. Reed, the best rider, moves ahead and gets to Cago early, informing Sterling of the situation. The rest of the party arrives just in time to join Sterling’s party of fifty men-at-arms, plus Andreas and a dozen grunties in support roles; they fast march to join Plough and his force of another fifty, raised outside of Cago.
  • The force arrives outside of Cago. Scouting reveals that the keep is already under siege, and captured villagers are being used as shields and terror weapons via execution. The enemy force numbers about 500-600, and Sterling deduces that the keep cannot hold out for any meaningful period; the noble council is too locked up in petty politics to send reinforcements in time.
  • Andreas shared the existence of an escape tunnel from the Rest that led to a shack in a hamlet. The party, Andreas, Gilikan, and ten musketeers slips off to the hamlet, where they kill a small force of cromen. Nan exhibits a newfound talent and enthusiasm for butchering her enemies.
  • The party enters the Rest though the tunnel, oversees the wetting of their powder stores, and escorts Lord Cyril and some of his family members out. Gilikan Plough remains behind as acting steward of the Rest.
  • At Sterling’s encampment, the party decides it would be best to escort the remains of House Jameson back to Cago rather than attempting to fight five to six hundred cromen by themselves, a prudent decision that would haunt them for weeks.
  • Spaulding, Nan, and Reed all receive personal papers delivered by Thorin: Spaulding discovers his nephews and sister-in-law were targets of an attempted kidnapping; Nan receives a request to find a decoding device somewhere in Cago; Reed hears that he may have a surviving uncle named Alastair and that his old stable was burned down. Reed confesses his background as a former member of Nat House Reed, a House Gossett adoptee, and a deserter.
  • On their way to Wooton to resupply, the party is hailed by Percival, the deluded boy who had claimed to be a Black Jaeger. Percival assists them in ambushing a small camp of crmen scouts who are lost. The party recovers a map showing the approximate location of a house east of Wooton, as well as a ruined book, the last page of which contains some of the worst adventuring fanfiction ever written. They also recover a scrap of paper with a ciphered message.
  • In Wooton, the over-his-head mayor Fenton Poll explains that his expected reinforcements under command of Daniel Gossett are late before he skips town in the middle of the night. The party first encounters Mugwump, a dim but enthusiastic writer and the author of the fanfiction the party recovered.
  • Reed finds Lyle, a waggoneer who may know where the house on the map is, but only manages to convince him that Reed is after his super-cushy job. Spaulding bribes Lyle enough to get some directions and landmarks. The party spends several hours getting lost in the woods until they find the shack.
  • Inside the shack, in a hidden shelf under a cabinet, the party finds a second coded message. In the root cellar, Spaulding finds a trapdoor hidden under a rotten cask and is barely convinced not to attempt shooting it into submission. The party carves their way in and discovers a hidden stash of food, clothing, weapon, and ammunition, including some heraldic tabards and signs of restricted caplock weaponry.
  • While they’re learning the wonders of block and tackle pulleys to haul out the crates, the party discovers they are being observed by a human trapper. They capture him and discover that he is a hireling of Coz Runner. The party sees Coz off in the distance; Reed and Spaulding attempt to give chase but lose him, while Nan continues to terrorize the flunky.
  • The party returns to Wooton, turns over the prisoner to the captain of the watch, gives him the location of the materiel, and sets out on the road to Cago with the Jamesons. Enroute, Andreas reveals that the heraldic emblem on the tabards (a mailed fist with a pistol on each side) is the emblem of the Purity Knights, a radical group of Nats who used terror to keep the “lesser species” submissive in the old days. The party also rifles through his family’s papers when he’s not looking, discovering a vast quantity of reading material nobody is interested in.
  • Further up the road, Reed hears some screaming off in the woods. Investigating, the party discovers Lord Sterling’s retainer the kharaz Madspear, happily torturing the last surviving cromen out of three he has hung in trees in the hopes of luring more. The party reminds Madspear that he forgot about a rendezvous he was supposed to make with Thorin (for a week) and he guts his prisoner and tromps off whistling.
  • Reed spots Coz a hundred yards up the road. Reed makes a ridiculous shot and hits Coz in the shoulder at 160 yards, and the party gives chase. When Coz ducks around a small building, Reed dismounts and begins stalking him on foot, sensing a trap. Also sensing a trap, Lord Spaulding charges around the corner into a pack of cromen waiting in ambush. Like all of his terrible ideas, this one works out perfectly, and the party soon has Coz captured, most of the cromen dead, and one running away from Nan as the ess made a point of gutting one of the ambushers in front of him. Coz makes a deal, saying one of the people who paid him to ambush the party was a one-handed man named Olan, and gives Reed the location of a small stash of coins in exchange for his life.
  • The party returns to Cago and safely delivers the Jamesons into the care of House Forska via Lord Sterling’s brother.
  • Reed goes to Fineous Sumpter’s stable and finds it has been burned to the ground, something he forgot about in his notes. He learns that the horses were taken and the stable destroyed by several humans and a kharaz.
  • Lady Deanna Forska-Spaulding scolds her son Geoffrey over dinner. They discuss the events around the kidnapping attempt and resolve to move the House out of Cago.
  • The party tracks down some horses ordered by Lady Deanna, stolen from Sumpter’s stable. The new “owner” gives them up and is delivered to the magistrate after the party learns that the kharaz in the arson group was named “Fang,” short for Manyfang, a notorious thug and bad businessman.
  • The party goes to the Graymere slum, looks around Roderick Praise’s pawnshop for Nan’s decoding device, and confronts Fang, who is less than forthcoming. Nan attempts to goad Fang into fighting Spaulding, while Spaulding attempts to set up a fight between Fang and Nan. Nothing comes to fruition, and the party leaves.
  • Reed returns to Graymere to try and tack down Sumpter and his uncle Alastair, spends some of Nan’s money, and narrowly avoids entering a career as a boytoy for local thugs.
  • Nan and Reed follow a senile grunty named Grix back to her garbage house, where they find the decoder buried in stacks of garbage the old woman has been hoarding from the junk piles at Praise’s pawnshop. With this, they decode the messages and learn a little about House Gossett’s connection with current events, and then promptly ignore it.
  • The party discusses a bunch of cool stuff they can do with the ciphering device and chooses to do nothing.
  • Everyone heads back towards Frogg at Nan’s insistence, except Spaulding’s valet Sam who is needed to help coordinate the family move. In Frogg, obvious fortifications are under way, the swamp draining has been delayed because of labor reallocations toward building walls, and the local kids have made an even more disgusting dish out of mudskippers for Reed to try. Nan decides to stay in Frogg an extra day to assist Falen.
  • Reed, Spaulding, Tookie, and a young kharaz girl named Bronze start heading east to join up with Sterling. They find a group of cromen ambushers who have killed a bunch of people Bronze had been travelling with and viciously murder them. They recover a couple of kharaz who have discovered that regeneration is a good way to get tortured a lot.
  • In Frogg, Nan spots another ess who disappears into a shack and is mysteriously gone. The shack contains some pharmaceutical gear and some poisonous herbs. Falen cautions her to be careful of the man. Keeping true to the spirit of caution, Nan uses her cutting field power to open some sluice holes in the swamp excavation, releasing a horde of glowing dog-sized beetles that kill several workers before Nan pushes them all into a pond and drowns them. She also briefly encounters the grunty Grumbleberry, Master of the Stick, who grumpily tromps off into the swamp after defeating several beetles alone.
  • Nan catches up with the party, who have arrived in Appleville to find medical attention for the kharaz survivors and for Tookie, who took a spear in the ribs. Soon thereafter, a patrol led by the noblewoman Allison Gosset comes tearing back into town, running from a much larger group of cromen who are scavenging for supplies. The party ambushes a few hapless scouts, then follows the main body back to a mill where, as expected, a large group of cromen are assembled and, also as expected, the party charges them. Spaulding suffers a series of very unfortunate accidents, and the session ends as Spaulding’s weapon arm is crippled, everyone is wounded, and the party is outnumbered three-to-one.
  • Just when things look hopeless, the party’s savior arrives! Yes, they start to roll well! Oh, and also Mugwump shows up. Mugwump charges blindly into a bunch of additional cromen who are flanking the remains of the party and, as soon as he becomes aware that people are attacking him, starts using his secret fighting style known as “picking up unconscious cromen and carrying them around for a while, winning by accident.” He does surprisingly well, despite his complete lack of training and impalement by two arrows. Reed empties his quiver, making a colossal shot with his last arrow through the eye of one of his opponents. Nan continues making little “bzzt bzzt” sounds as she hacks through enemies. An armored Nat who had been commanding the cromen and toying with Spaulding eats an arrow to the face just after cutting down Bronze, and for a while thereafter limps away from the combat. Spaulding pursues, weakly bashing at him with a buckler until he manages to grab his target and take him prisoner.
  • In a courtyard surrounded by the house, mill, and granary, the party discovers about thirty or so cromen laid out on the ground, some dead, the remainder retching violently. Spaulding starts to clear out the house (of farmer corpses) and set it up as a resting spot for the injured party, Mugwump reads his awful poetry to the dying cromen outside, and Nan and Reed think they see a pale haggard face in the windows of the building, but find nothing when they search.
  • The party questions the Nat warrior, who is Tomas, “formerly” of House Pellius. He urges Spaulding to let him go, indicates that turning him over would do no good, and that unless the party let him go bad things would happen at Cyril’s Rest. Spaulding, predictably, doesn’t care. Tomas carries two encrypted notes, and Reed remembers they left the cipher key back in Frogg. Doh.
  • Reed, astonishingly not horribly wounded, rides back to Appleville to get assistance. He collects up Tookie and hires the only available waggoner, Lyle, who still hates him but agrees to ride back for a price. On the way back, Tookie (who kept notes on the cipher wheel) translates the notes: one says, “FOOD SECURE DEPLOY PACKAGES” and the other, “NO FOOD KILL HOSTAGES AND DEPLOY PACKAGES.” Since killing hostages sounded ominous in light of recent events, everyone promptly forgets about it.
  • Nan spots the ess snooper around the granary, does not find him, but discovers that some of the grain may not have been poisoned. Mugwump starts a “small” fire by the millhouse and starts fueling it with dead cromen. Reed comes back in time to discuss recent events and witness Mugwump almost burning down the whole complex.
  • The party returns to Appleville on the cart, minus Spaulding’s horse, to discover that Allison Gossett and her retainers set out to rescue another farming village shortly before they arrived. When they fail to return the following morning, the party decides to follow her and rescue her so that Nan could shame her for not helping them at the mill.
  • The party arrives at a small house/barn/pigpen when Reed hears some crashing noises. These are being made by some nine-foot tall humanoids, who Reed attempts to calm, figuring that calming a giant is about the same as calming a horse. This has the desired effect as they charge the party, one nearly killing Bronze with one swipe of a log. Reed and Nan manage to finish that one while Mugwump attempts to wrestle with the other while Spaulding hacks like crazy, trying to miss Mugwump.
  • After defeating the giants, they find the remains of Gossett’s party holed up and badly wounded in the house, where one of her retainers explains that the five of them charged a group of 50 cromen to allow some villagers to escape, and managed to make it back to the house before the giants arrived. The session ended in typical fashion as Reed managed to convince her guards that he was a pickpocket who wanted to rob Gossett as she was asleep.
  • The party returned to town with the wounded stacked up on a cart. As the only conscious officer present, Spaulding set about the important work of trying to find a decent hat and giving Mugwump some money to buy armor. Sam and Andreas Jameson showed up, Andreas explaining that the northern front (the primary one) has not been going well, with cromen forces attempting to pin the Cago force against the sea, resulting in the Cago forces pulling all the way back into the city to avoid being trapped.
  • Reed and Nan go on a day trip to the mill, where they find that the presumed Olan Renssalear rode off and met a couple of wagons then then headed west. Returning to Appleville, they run across a dead giant (already sans head) and a bunch of refugees, including Percival. Percival tells the party that some of them have been captured and probably taken to work at a stone quarry to the southwest. The party set out to attack a slave camp with one day of rest and a grumpy Mugwump at less than half health.
  • The party commenced their stealthy rescue operations with Reed shooting a guard out of a tower, and Spaulding then shooting the other guard into a bloody mess with a very unlikely shot. As they hacked their way up west (except for Tookie, who went east for some strange reason), some of the prisoners started to rebel against the cromen, resulting in a few wounds to the cromen and three incapacitated prisoners. The party ended their session with Reed standing in a tower aiming at someone 80 yards away, Spaulding preparing to ready his other musket, Nan scaring some enemies as usual, Bronze acting her role slowly dishing out and receiving damage, and Mugwump barreling into enemies, holding up bodies as shields, and managing to get himself surrounded. Everything according to plan.
  • The party finish up the cromen at the slave camp with the help of some rebellious slaves, highlighted by Reed finally dropping all of his arrows while attempting to fast-draw, sending them all through the wooden tower floor and to the ground. Nan helps two prisoners restrain a guard by chopping his head off, proceeding to carry it around and talking to it for the remainder of the combat. Mugwump becomes obsessed with attempting to drive a rickety horse-cart around like a chariot, succeeding in dragging it into the quarry and falling onto the rocks.
  • As the refugees are loaded into the ox-cart, the party hears about some more guard who were previously distracted and led off north. Investigating, Reed comes across a thoroughly insane Torias March, who is bashing in the skull of a dead guard. He then circles around and finds a small squad of Black Jaegers, led by Yosef Blades. When the party reconnects, they decide to try and destroy a bridge near Wooton that the cromen have been using to move materiel. Their plan is to find some gunpowder and use it to blow up the bridge, despite nobody having any sort of demolitions experience. There is nothing that could go wrong with this plan.

 


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